- When you dress it up with silver and gold, it doesn't look like a cheap hooker.
- A Christmas tree will never complain if you compare it to another bush.
- A Christmas tree will stay up late, watch a porno with you, and won't say, "Hey, look at the size of that dick ... I didn't know they made 'em that big!"
- Christmas trees actually like when you use exotic electrical devices.
- A Christmas tree doesn't care if you have a plastic one in the closet.
- It always smells fresh as a forest.
- A Christmas tree doesn't care if you watch football all day or go to a strip club after work.
- A Christmas tree doesn't get possessive if you want to let your neighbor use your balls.
- You can feel a Christmas tree before you take it home.
- A Christmas tree doesn't get mad if you look up underneath it.
- When you are done with a Christmas tree you can throw it on the curb and have it hauled away.
- A Christmas tree doesn't get jealous around other Christmas trees.
- A Christmas tree doesn't care how many other Christmas trees you have had in the past.
- A Christmas tree doesn't get mad if you tie it up and throw it in the back of your pickup truck.
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